What If Phil Collins Killed Jesus?

The finger of blame for killing Jesus has been unfairly pointed in the wrong direction for centuries. It’s almost unthinkable how the most logical suspect has been overlooked – Phil Collins.

Condiser the following and you’ll see how this very probable conclusion was reached.

According to a study, approximately 80% of victims knew their killers. Consider the words of Phil Collins himself, “Jesus, he knows me”. See how that works out? That is as good as fact. Science fact.

Exhibit A

However, due to a conspiracy masterminded by the deceptively old Genesis singer, the entire passage recalling it in the bible was probably erased and replaced with that bit about the meek.

This tragic subterfudge has been carried out like a Chinese whisper, just like that thing about celery being ok when it’s actually definitely not. (Nb. I’ve no time for celery. Phil probably invented that, too).

While I respect your music, I think that was a step too far, Mr Collins.

And to anyone that doubts this impenetrably sound theory, you weren’t there so you can’t disprove it.